My House Isn’t Perfect
I could only have a playroom this tidy in my dreams! Toys are everywhere in our house.
I recently walked into a friend’s house and she started apologizing profusely over the fact that her kid’s BEAUTIFUL playroom, which is right next to the front door, was a mess. I was both relieved and overwhelmed when she did this; my playroom is also immediately to the right of my front door and a mess, but also the couch is old and stained, the floors need to be refinished, the DIY paint job isn’t the best, our kitchen is in the midst of an ongoing DIY project, our den is just a storage space at this point because we came from an apartment that was less than half the square feet of our house and we’re still growing into it…. I could literally give you a litany of things “wrong” with my house. And then I have people come over and tell me how great my house is, our yard is lovely, the DIY I did on my kitchen is great… and all the while I’m thinking about how it’s not Pinterest-perfect.
If you asked me what “embarrasses” me about my house, I could go on and on. Let’s be honest here, I have a beautiful house. When we bought it, it was my dream home (and really, it still is). It’s certainly not the most up-to-date; we bought from the original owners (with the help of our amazing realtor Bob at The Sadler-Krupa Realty Group). We know for a fact that the house was built in the 70’s, and from replacing the dishwasher we know they just threw some tile over their 70’s laminate floor in the kitchen and left it at that. We replaced puke-colored walls in the living room and dining room, and we tested our marriage while doing that painting ourselves. But at the same time, I’m obsessed with HGTV shows, Pinterest style, and IG influencers, and it has become a source of anxiety that my house is not up to that “standard.”
I’m just a girl, wishing I could have this kind of Pinterest-level décor, but I have a toddler who would throw it everywhere.
Let’s also talk about having a toddler. Toddlers are messy - this is a fact. They also suck the energy out of you, between the attention they need, the tantrums they throw, and the messes they make; sometimes you are just so overwhelmed and tired and have read The Pout Pout Fish so many times that you just don’t care about sweeping the kitchen floor or cleaning out the sink. I get it, but it also gives me anxiety. I will make the choice to not clean out the sink, or fold the laundry, or sweep the floor because I’m so tired, and then I get up in the morning and have so much dread and anxiety going into the next day because there is so much to do. I think about the fact that we usually have friends over every Sunday and we left a mess on Saturday night, so when they get here, I haven’t dusted or cleaned the kitchen floor or wiped down the counters in the kitchen yet….. But the question is, WHY?!
Not just why do I put these expectations on myself, but why do we ALL put these expectations on ourselves? So what if my house isn’t perfect…. I live here. I’ve got a kid that is the king of crumbs, and I don’t think anyone expects me to run around after him with a dustpan cleaning everything up the second he drops it (my mom tells me some of my anxiety in relation to this may have to do with the fact that my Mommom actually did this when me & my siblings were kids), so why am I embarrassed if I haven’t swept the floors today…. or maybe in two days?! I want to have the Pinterest-perfect house, but neither my husband nor myself come from “money,” and anything in this house is bought after our bills are paid, we have food in the fridge and pantry, and Jack is not wanting for anything. I know those around me understand this, yet I still judge myself.
The upgrade makes a world of difference, but I still focus on the things that aren’t perfect.
I feel “less than” when I go to friends or acquaintances houses and everything is on trend and perfect. I feel “less than” when I have them come to my house…. The biggest example that sticks out in my mind is probably the first in-person meeting of the book club I started; it was early this past summer, and as the person who started the book club, I felt it was my duty to have it at my house. I had just finished painting the kitchen cabinets, but all I could think about was the fact that our countertops were ugly (and they still are! lol), the floor wasn’t redone, we hadn’t redone the backsplash yet (and we still haven’t)..... I made sure to show everyone my choices for these things, because we’re obviously re-finishing this. DUH. But also, we’re still early in our careers, I’ve still got a LOT of student debt, and we have a kid who is the happiest little priority in our life….. So while these things are on our list, they take a backseat to making sure our kid has everything he deserves.
And I just want to take a second here to say that I’m not trying to say we bought a house outside our means; we certainly didn’t. We bought a house that we could afford and was perfect as is, and if it were up to my husband, we wouldn’t have changed a damn thing! But I have a style I like, so I want to change things and make it ours. Somehow along the way, Pinterest and Instagram have made me feel that I need everything to be perfect and photo-ready at all times, when in fact, these things take time, especially when you have a life to live, a job, a kid; it’s just not all going to happen right away.
Basically, Mama (and Dads!) stop putting pressure on yourself to be perfect. If you promise to stop being so hard on yourself and comparing yourself to the images on Pinterest and Instagram, I will too.
